Today's blogpost is something quite personal and something I have been wanting to get around to. My reason for putting off the post was simply because I thought I would soon be over the struggle. But I'm definitely not.
Before I get into everything, I feel like a quick introduction and explanation is needed (in case any randoms are reading my blog). Around 9 months ago, I packed up my bags and moved from small town USA to Lima, Perú. While some struggles of my exchange have been related to other things (ex. culture), the majority of my hardship throughout my year can be traced back to learning a language.
When living in the U.S., I was the straight A student. The girl who picked up on concepts fairly quickly, and took pride in her grades. I don't say this in a bragging manner, just for you to understand who I am (or was) as a person. A large part of my identity for 16 years of my life had been the bookworm, smarty-pants, or teachers pet.
Before coming to the Perú, I thought that while learning a new language would be difficult, I would pick up on the language fairly quickly. School and concepts such as learning had always come fairly easy, so I simply thought "How hard can it be?"
The. Answer. Is. Really. Really. Really. Hard.
Trying to learn Spanish is the hardest thing I have ever tried to do. While it has become easier after 9 months, I still struggle everyday. Part of the struggle in that simply, my struggle with the language is not consistent. Some days I feel on top of the world, I'm having conversations and understanding everything said. But the next day or conversation, I don't understand anything that's being said and feel like a five year old.
With some days feeling like a child, this has definitely affected me. As explained, I was so used to concepts being picked up quickly. So constantly feeling like the dumbest person alive on a daily basis has been quite difficult for me to grapple with mentally. Some days are better than others, but everyday it's still mentally difficult to deal with.
At this point of my exchange, I am unsure if my Spanish will ever be at the level I imagined it would be at the end of my exchange. I don't know exactly where I thought it would be, but I imagined after being in Perú for 9 months I wouldn't question everything that was said to me (or at least the majority). It's hard to see other exchange students succeed in conversations while you still feel like you're drowning in the language. But just remember that everyone is struggling and you aren't the only one who feels like an idiot.
On the topic of comparing yourself to others, you have to remember that everyone has a different background with learning new languages. It's no secret that the American school system doesn't properly prepare students for learning a new language. In my opinion, the majority of American high school illy prepares their students for learning new languages, especially when compared to many European systems. Some people think that because the majority of other countries are learning English, there is no point in learning another language. This (in my opinion) is a horrible and ignorant mentality. With that all aside, the mentality of learning second language in the US has also hindered my ability to learn Spanish. I'm not blaming my lack of Spanish on anyone, I'm simply stating that you need to keep in mind that some of the Europeans are on their 4th language. It's easier to pick up a third language than a second, some of them have been studying Spanish before coming. I would say my Spanish class in the US was as helpful as sticking my toe in a pool to learn how to swim. Going to Peru was jumping into the pool and drowning.
So in conclusion, if you are coming on exchange and nervous for the language, you have reason to be. It's going to be difficult. But try your best, take every day one at a time, and remember that there is no race to learn and no competition. Improve for yourself and no one else. At the end of the day, your language skills will be better than before. Good luck!
